Forced Leisure

Each morning I begin by reading the Daily Bread (a small inspirational booklet published by RBC Ministries) passage for the day along with the associated Bible scripture.

One day I found myself reading 'my story'.  It began with a man speaking about a female friend who learned a week before Christmas that she had breast cancer and that the next seven months of her life were to be her 'forced leisure'.

I SCREAMED, literally.  Hey! This is MY story!!

It is hard to get my mind around the entire 7 months, like from January 01 through July 31 is how I was looking at it.  That is a long time, a very big chunk out of my life I was thinking.  That is a LOT OF DAYS!  That is why I so often say just one day at a time in my posts.

I must admit I took this as a message intended for me to take seriously.  And this message made me realize is I can no longer live life nonchalantly or cautiously.  I'm not saying I need to be gang-busters with living, mainly because right now my mind and body will not let me.  But I am saying I need to live more in the moment and to be more appreciative of what time I do have and to make the most of that time, even if it means just sitting and doing nothing.  And there are so many little things (like writing this blog) that do not require gang-buster energy to accomplish.  I am so looking forward to playing in the dirt (planting flowers).  Also I want to have at least one project for the month I am calling it; where it starts and completes in a 30-day time frame.  I am considering sewing, just trying to think of something to sew, nothing complicated of course.  And I share this thought with everyone - give yourself a monthly goal, at least one!

I find myself sending notes and letters to folks I have not contacted in awhile.  It does not matter if they respond, my conscience is clear.  Most important for me though is making sure I am a good wife and friend for my husband.  One thing about this condition, as with any illness, is that since it is so personal it is easy to say 'it's all about me'.  But this is all about 'me and Dave, us' as well.  It is very important to keep the communication lines open, and we do.  Dave was brought to me and he is very important to me.

I miss interacting with people.  But I cannot be in group settings due to the chemo's toll on my white blood cells.  I am very fortunate to be able to work from home.  But I do miss the office noise.  See, things we take for granted.  Just the drive to the office, the drive from the office.  See, things we take for granted.  My poor car is lucky to move once a week.  And when I am out among people, which was about once a week to CVS Pharmacy, I am quite friendly because we just don't know do we.  But most of all this condition is making me be me, which for some of us that is not how we naturally move about in the world.  I am at a place where I have nothing to lose is the way I look at it.  And you know what, I feel folks will like this new me better.  I know I do!

I am a big proponent of numbers, specifically their significance according to the Bible.  The number 7 represents completeness.  And I declare every day that at the end of these seven months, at the end of this 'forced leisure', I will be totally re-stored and completely healed.

I am not sure where I am going, but I will know when I get there.