Well it is the end of the week after chemo treatment #4 with the new drug. Normally on Saturday morning of chemo week I awake with nausea, but not today. I had pointed this out to my doctor and again he felt I should not be experiencing nausea, so he did have them give me anti-nausea as the last step during the chemo treatment on Monday. So perhaps that is working still!! Amazing. Can't help but wonder what all this 'stuff' is doing to my insides. I believe it is all working to my good, to my complete healing and restoration.
I had a stressful work week, so I hope I did not impact my healing process. I know I should not think this way, but there, I said it. I sometimes feel work stress can indeed impact this healing process. But I immediately tell myself no, that I'm okay. I was just so glad for Friday to arrive. So anticlimactic in a lot of respects. But I will be just fine. I feel good about my accomplishments, and sometimes that is all that matters.
My doctor and his nurse are both very pleased and happy with my progress. And they were gushing about it. They are very pleased with 'all my levels' is how they say it. I know I do feel good, well considering and relatively speaking. Only three more treatments to go. It is really starting to feel like I'm almost done with this portion at least. In the beginning it seemed so very far away. Again though I will not even think past the next session.
My doctor speaks about my weight in kilograms! (Makes me sound skinny) Did I share this already? Well anyway, my point is that he also feels I should not be losing weight - and believe me I am not. And he is happy about that. Again the drugs promote my appetite, even though I can barely taste what I am eating! That is quite frustrating for me, to be hungry and wanting to eat, yet nothing has a truly discernible taste. And yes, I go ahead and eat. I wonder how long it will take for my taste buds to return to normal after the treatments are complete?
I am also not feeling weak as I usually would feel after the other chemo treatments. So perhaps not a side-effect of this new drug.
I remain hopeful and happy and full of positive expectations!!
Saturday, March 30, 2013
Sunday, March 24, 2013
So Right Now Today 03/24/2013
The last half of this week I have felt simply awesome. Now don't get me wrong, the brain was moving a little slow and the body was moving way slow. But I overall felt good. And this is how it usually goes right before the next chemo treatment, which is tomorrow by the way.
I went on two small 'field trips' by myself. I went to CVS on Friday to pick up a prescription and I went to GNC at the mall to replace one of the vitamins on Saturday. Just quick in and out trips, early in the day, but my car enjoyed it I'm sure and I did too, just to do a little more walking than usual and to breathe the air, etc.
Would you believe my drivers license expired? I received in the mail this lovely postcard from the Ohio BMV to let me know. How embarrassing, but yes, it happened. Guess I am more distracted than I thought. Anyway, we're good now. Dave took me last Monday, the day I got the card to the Strongsville BMV which is open till 6:30 pm on Mondays!! I was waited on right away!! Never had this happen before.
Tomorrow's chemo treatment introduces a new drug. I don't know much else to share about it. I will post again later in the week to let you know how I reacted. But just four treatments left; and next time I write only three treatments will remain!! That thought alone makes me feel so excited.
I went on two small 'field trips' by myself. I went to CVS on Friday to pick up a prescription and I went to GNC at the mall to replace one of the vitamins on Saturday. Just quick in and out trips, early in the day, but my car enjoyed it I'm sure and I did too, just to do a little more walking than usual and to breathe the air, etc.
Would you believe my drivers license expired? I received in the mail this lovely postcard from the Ohio BMV to let me know. How embarrassing, but yes, it happened. Guess I am more distracted than I thought. Anyway, we're good now. Dave took me last Monday, the day I got the card to the Strongsville BMV which is open till 6:30 pm on Mondays!! I was waited on right away!! Never had this happen before.
Tomorrow's chemo treatment introduces a new drug. I don't know much else to share about it. I will post again later in the week to let you know how I reacted. But just four treatments left; and next time I write only three treatments will remain!! That thought alone makes me feel so excited.
So Right Now Today 03/20/2013
So just how am I feeling? A line came to me during the twilight hours - I feel like I need to be ironed!! I feel wrinkled and would like to be pressed and that would make me feel wonderful.
Being half-way through chemo is a great feeling. I still have 8 weeks to go though. I remain upbeat, well as much as can be expected. This is still a surreal experience for me, even after three months of knowing and being cut and being poked and being drugged.
The nausea medication I take the non-chemo week is nowhere near as good as the chemo-week nausea medication. So I have almost a constant nausea state of being. Not fun. About the best thing that happens the non-chemo week is that my sense of taste almost returns! In the next couple days I will probably have a cup of coffee or tea and enjoy it!
I am getting the guest bathroom cleaned and ready for potential guests, in case I have any that actually spend the night that is. A project. Or just if someone wants to use it, it is ready for use!!
Being half-way through chemo is a great feeling. I still have 8 weeks to go though. I remain upbeat, well as much as can be expected. This is still a surreal experience for me, even after three months of knowing and being cut and being poked and being drugged.
The nausea medication I take the non-chemo week is nowhere near as good as the chemo-week nausea medication. So I have almost a constant nausea state of being. Not fun. About the best thing that happens the non-chemo week is that my sense of taste almost returns! In the next couple days I will probably have a cup of coffee or tea and enjoy it!
I am getting the guest bathroom cleaned and ready for potential guests, in case I have any that actually spend the night that is. A project. Or just if someone wants to use it, it is ready for use!!
Saturday, March 16, 2013
Forced Leisure
Each morning I begin by reading the Daily Bread (a small inspirational booklet published by RBC Ministries) passage for the day along with the associated Bible scripture.
One day I found myself reading 'my story'. It began with a man speaking about a female friend who learned a week before Christmas that she had breast cancer and that the next seven months of her life were to be her 'forced leisure'.
I SCREAMED, literally. Hey! This is MY story!!
It is hard to get my mind around the entire 7 months, like from January 01 through July 31 is how I was looking at it. That is a long time, a very big chunk out of my life I was thinking. That is a LOT OF DAYS! That is why I so often say just one day at a time in my posts.
I must admit I took this as a message intended for me to take seriously. And this message made me realize is I can no longer live life nonchalantly or cautiously. I'm not saying I need to be gang-busters with living, mainly because right now my mind and body will not let me. But I am saying I need to live more in the moment and to be more appreciative of what time I do have and to make the most of that time, even if it means just sitting and doing nothing. And there are so many little things (like writing this blog) that do not require gang-buster energy to accomplish. I am so looking forward to playing in the dirt (planting flowers). Also I want to have at least one project for the month I am calling it; where it starts and completes in a 30-day time frame. I am considering sewing, just trying to think of something to sew, nothing complicated of course. And I share this thought with everyone - give yourself a monthly goal, at least one!
I find myself sending notes and letters to folks I have not contacted in awhile. It does not matter if they respond, my conscience is clear. Most important for me though is making sure I am a good wife and friend for my husband. One thing about this condition, as with any illness, is that since it is so personal it is easy to say 'it's all about me'. But this is all about 'me and Dave, us' as well. It is very important to keep the communication lines open, and we do. Dave was brought to me and he is very important to me.
I miss interacting with people. But I cannot be in group settings due to the chemo's toll on my white blood cells. I am very fortunate to be able to work from home. But I do miss the office noise. See, things we take for granted. Just the drive to the office, the drive from the office. See, things we take for granted. My poor car is lucky to move once a week. And when I am out among people, which was about once a week to CVS Pharmacy, I am quite friendly because we just don't know do we. But most of all this condition is making me be me, which for some of us that is not how we naturally move about in the world. I am at a place where I have nothing to lose is the way I look at it. And you know what, I feel folks will like this new me better. I know I do!
I am a big proponent of numbers, specifically their significance according to the Bible. The number 7 represents completeness. And I declare every day that at the end of these seven months, at the end of this 'forced leisure', I will be totally re-stored and completely healed.
I am not sure where I am going, but I will know when I get there.
One day I found myself reading 'my story'. It began with a man speaking about a female friend who learned a week before Christmas that she had breast cancer and that the next seven months of her life were to be her 'forced leisure'.
I SCREAMED, literally. Hey! This is MY story!!
It is hard to get my mind around the entire 7 months, like from January 01 through July 31 is how I was looking at it. That is a long time, a very big chunk out of my life I was thinking. That is a LOT OF DAYS! That is why I so often say just one day at a time in my posts.
I must admit I took this as a message intended for me to take seriously. And this message made me realize is I can no longer live life nonchalantly or cautiously. I'm not saying I need to be gang-busters with living, mainly because right now my mind and body will not let me. But I am saying I need to live more in the moment and to be more appreciative of what time I do have and to make the most of that time, even if it means just sitting and doing nothing. And there are so many little things (like writing this blog) that do not require gang-buster energy to accomplish. I am so looking forward to playing in the dirt (planting flowers). Also I want to have at least one project for the month I am calling it; where it starts and completes in a 30-day time frame. I am considering sewing, just trying to think of something to sew, nothing complicated of course. And I share this thought with everyone - give yourself a monthly goal, at least one!
I find myself sending notes and letters to folks I have not contacted in awhile. It does not matter if they respond, my conscience is clear. Most important for me though is making sure I am a good wife and friend for my husband. One thing about this condition, as with any illness, is that since it is so personal it is easy to say 'it's all about me'. But this is all about 'me and Dave, us' as well. It is very important to keep the communication lines open, and we do. Dave was brought to me and he is very important to me.
I miss interacting with people. But I cannot be in group settings due to the chemo's toll on my white blood cells. I am very fortunate to be able to work from home. But I do miss the office noise. See, things we take for granted. Just the drive to the office, the drive from the office. See, things we take for granted. My poor car is lucky to move once a week. And when I am out among people, which was about once a week to CVS Pharmacy, I am quite friendly because we just don't know do we. But most of all this condition is making me be me, which for some of us that is not how we naturally move about in the world. I am at a place where I have nothing to lose is the way I look at it. And you know what, I feel folks will like this new me better. I know I do!
I am a big proponent of numbers, specifically their significance according to the Bible. The number 7 represents completeness. And I declare every day that at the end of these seven months, at the end of this 'forced leisure', I will be totally re-stored and completely healed.
I am not sure where I am going, but I will know when I get there.
And the Treatments Begin
Needless to say the initial treatment, well the anticipation of that initial treatment, was just absolutely scary. Here I was going to have gosh-knows what kinds of chemicals put into my body in order to fight and kill cells, both good cells and bad cells. And I was going to have to endure this for the next 16 weeks (8 sessions every two weeks)! I was going to have to be torn down to the core was how I was looking at it in order to be re-built and re-stored to better than before. Not really my idea of 'getting all better', but nonetheless here we go.
My treatments are on Mondays, so the remainder of that first week was more about getting accustomed to how I was feeling. And of course not enjoying how I was feeling. I kept notes to share with the medical staff. I simply did not and still do not enjoy the experience. And there's medications to be taken the remainder of the chemo week for nausea management, so I have a calendar where I track the dosages and times. And yes I have invested in three of those lovely plastic pill boxes with the days of the week different colors and sizes of course. The day of chemo, one medication is to be taken that evening, nothing else that day. But starting with the day after, here comes the medications and the vitamins. By the time I take them all I am so bloated from drinking all that water!! But it's all for the good. And water is good for us of course.
Chemo kills my sense of taste and alters my sense of smell. I smell to a high degree the chlorine in our water. And although the thought of a piece of chocolate candy appeals to my brain, the taste of it is not describable really, and most foods have no taste. So chemo removes the enjoyment of eating, but we must eat still. Canned soup tastes the best and fried potatoes with fried onions. NO SALT as my mouth has become its own salt box.
When it came time for treatment #2, I shared my notes and my dosages were tweaked and the second chemo week's reactions were not as bad. The worse part for me from the first two treatments was the nausea. After chemo#2 I lost my hair.
For chemo#3 I reported the nausea. Well my doctor feels I should never experience nausea, while I thought it was a given side-effect, so again he tweaked my dosages and indeed I did not experience the nausea to the same level as the first two weeks, so it was managed during the treatment itself as well as by my medications. And Sharon is now a happy chemo treatment patient!! Well that is all relative of course.
And I am ecstatic to announce I have completed 50% of my chemo treatments!! Yeah! Yep, this past Monday was chemo#4. Major milestone mentally, half-way through. The last four sessions will not consist of the same chemo meds, but will be replaced. So my next session I will learn more from the doctor just what this medication is all about and anticipated side-effects.
Still not sure where this journey is taking me, but I will know when I get there. One day at a time is all I can do; and that is all I ask for.
My treatments are on Mondays, so the remainder of that first week was more about getting accustomed to how I was feeling. And of course not enjoying how I was feeling. I kept notes to share with the medical staff. I simply did not and still do not enjoy the experience. And there's medications to be taken the remainder of the chemo week for nausea management, so I have a calendar where I track the dosages and times. And yes I have invested in three of those lovely plastic pill boxes with the days of the week different colors and sizes of course. The day of chemo, one medication is to be taken that evening, nothing else that day. But starting with the day after, here comes the medications and the vitamins. By the time I take them all I am so bloated from drinking all that water!! But it's all for the good. And water is good for us of course.
Chemo kills my sense of taste and alters my sense of smell. I smell to a high degree the chlorine in our water. And although the thought of a piece of chocolate candy appeals to my brain, the taste of it is not describable really, and most foods have no taste. So chemo removes the enjoyment of eating, but we must eat still. Canned soup tastes the best and fried potatoes with fried onions. NO SALT as my mouth has become its own salt box.
When it came time for treatment #2, I shared my notes and my dosages were tweaked and the second chemo week's reactions were not as bad. The worse part for me from the first two treatments was the nausea. After chemo#2 I lost my hair.
For chemo#3 I reported the nausea. Well my doctor feels I should never experience nausea, while I thought it was a given side-effect, so again he tweaked my dosages and indeed I did not experience the nausea to the same level as the first two weeks, so it was managed during the treatment itself as well as by my medications. And Sharon is now a happy chemo treatment patient!! Well that is all relative of course.
And I am ecstatic to announce I have completed 50% of my chemo treatments!! Yeah! Yep, this past Monday was chemo#4. Major milestone mentally, half-way through. The last four sessions will not consist of the same chemo meds, but will be replaced. So my next session I will learn more from the doctor just what this medication is all about and anticipated side-effects.
Still not sure where this journey is taking me, but I will know when I get there. One day at a time is all I can do; and that is all I ask for.
Wednesday, March 13, 2013
My Reactions and Feelings
It took the doctor telling me three times I had breast cancer before it registered in my brain. The third time she was holding my shoulders and about 3 inches from my face as she recognized I was really not hearing her. Ok, I hear you. And she kept saying 'we're going to fix this' and I was saying back to her 'yes, we are, I believe you'. And to me, that was that. 'Nough said, let's get going doc. (Course I didn't say this out loud to her, but that was my attitude. I just did not feel it was very serious.)
I remained positive. I was in shock.
I remained scared at the same time. I was in shock.
But my faith sustains me. I have been through so many trials these last 4-5 years and this is viewed as another trial, another test of my faith.
To get through this trial though God has given me a special partner, my husband, who is oh so supportive and loving and understanding. He is my cheerleader. He is my soul mate. He cried with me when I returned home to share the news. He consoles me when I have my pity parties. He spoils me rotten and I love it!
Word spread quickly around the office, course I did not mind sharing. Talking about this is so freeing and it really does help my mind realize the sadness (my name for the 'c-word') is not a death sentence. And in the meantime I am awaiting my chemo schedule, so what better to do than get lost in work. The folks at work are so supportive showering me with cards and emails and even food!! Really made me realize how my co-workers feel about me.
And my family and friends of course show their love and support as well.
I feel totally surrounded by a huge group hug. And I feel there is a ton of constant prayer and good wishes for me being sent up to Heaven. What more could I ask for?
I remained positive. I was in shock.
I remained scared at the same time. I was in shock.
But my faith sustains me. I have been through so many trials these last 4-5 years and this is viewed as another trial, another test of my faith.
To get through this trial though God has given me a special partner, my husband, who is oh so supportive and loving and understanding. He is my cheerleader. He is my soul mate. He cried with me when I returned home to share the news. He consoles me when I have my pity parties. He spoils me rotten and I love it!
Word spread quickly around the office, course I did not mind sharing. Talking about this is so freeing and it really does help my mind realize the sadness (my name for the 'c-word') is not a death sentence. And in the meantime I am awaiting my chemo schedule, so what better to do than get lost in work. The folks at work are so supportive showering me with cards and emails and even food!! Really made me realize how my co-workers feel about me.
And my family and friends of course show their love and support as well.
I feel totally surrounded by a huge group hug. And I feel there is a ton of constant prayer and good wishes for me being sent up to Heaven. What more could I ask for?
The Diagnosis
I felt the small tiny lump and I chose to ignore it. I don't know why I felt it would just go away. But my body was telling me to get a physical in July of 2012. I walk into the doctor's office knowing she will find it. She jumped and asked why I had not mentioned it and of course I was in denial big time, which was my response.
On to the mammogram and ultrasound.
On to the Breast Specialist. Who of course wanted to do surgery right away. Petrified I feel I literally ran from her office and told her I would call her. Like I was showing her something. I did not call.
It is now November, I am headed to LA, CA to meet my niece Tuesday. But it is gnawing at me, my sadness is what I have decided to call it. I felt it had grown a little, ever so slightly, but it had grown. I just had a feeling what it was all about and taking the long train ride to and from the west coast gave me a very long time to make that long list of what ifs.
Upon returning returning home I immediately call the Breast Specialist and I was informed nothing was available until January and I said 'ok' very meekly. Less than two hours later the office called back and well let's just say the ball was rolling.
On December 10 my sadness was removed. On December 17 my sadness was termed malignant. On December 31, yes New Year's Eve, I had lymph node surgery. 16 nodes were removed, 8 of them contained sadness.
Well here we go. HAPPY NEW YEAR 2013! Thank you Lord for leading me to an awesome and outstanding breast specialist.
On to the mammogram and ultrasound.
On to the Breast Specialist. Who of course wanted to do surgery right away. Petrified I feel I literally ran from her office and told her I would call her. Like I was showing her something. I did not call.
It is now November, I am headed to LA, CA to meet my niece Tuesday. But it is gnawing at me, my sadness is what I have decided to call it. I felt it had grown a little, ever so slightly, but it had grown. I just had a feeling what it was all about and taking the long train ride to and from the west coast gave me a very long time to make that long list of what ifs.
Upon returning returning home I immediately call the Breast Specialist and I was informed nothing was available until January and I said 'ok' very meekly. Less than two hours later the office called back and well let's just say the ball was rolling.
On December 10 my sadness was removed. On December 17 my sadness was termed malignant. On December 31, yes New Year's Eve, I had lymph node surgery. 16 nodes were removed, 8 of them contained sadness.
Well here we go. HAPPY NEW YEAR 2013! Thank you Lord for leading me to an awesome and outstanding breast specialist.
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