The Last Chemo Treatment

Yeaaaa!!!  Yippee!  WooHoo!!  Hallelujah!!

Today was THE LAST chemo treatment.  The LAST ONE everybody!!  I am ecstatic.  The first one was on January 28, which seems like eons ago.

So next steps:  Next Monday, 5/13, I meet with the radiation doctor.  I will learn what that is all about.  My oncologist feels they probably won't start radiation for two weeks after that meeting, but we shall see.  I don't know what all to expect, but I will learn on 5/13.  As for my oncologist, I see him again in 8 weeks, which will be approximately July 1; he had them schedule the appointment already.

I know I have not written in a number of weeks.  Mostly due to not feeling up to it.  And now that chemo is over, I'll post again once I find out the specifics for the radiation.  Not sure if I will continue this blog.  I'm thinking on that.

Next steps for me: the next two weeks I will go through the side effects from this last chemo treatment and come two weeks from today I am hoping to have the strength to go to the office.  My doctor said each treatment makes me weaker, and I found that yesterday and today (prior to chemo) I was awfully weak.  I will see what that day two weeks from now brings.

It is going to be "interesting" watching and feeling my body return to the "before me".  Especially my eyebrows!  I just look so funny to me without them.  And also my brain - cannot forget about the gray matter.  It is interesting how I have some very strong mental days; and then some so-so mental days. I don't believe it has gotten worse than just "so-so".  Dave said he would let me know if I do.

Feeling so blessed just knowing that two weeks from today I DO NOT HAVE an appointment for chemo treatment.

And also feeling blessed to have the next moment.

So Right Now Today 04/07/2013

Today I feel absolutely wonderful!  I know a week ago I felt so gosh-awful bad I wanted to crawl under a rock.

Tomorrow is chemo day, one of the last three!!  This will be the second time with this new medication and I am thinking my side-effects won't kick in till the end of the week.  So I will take notes, as I usually do and stay positive.

My brother and his family were in town from California and were staying at my mom's in Canton.  They visited me so I got to play with my niece Tuesday!!  She is a doll and a very happy baby and so friendly.  She just turned 14 months, and she is walking so she was quite curious looking around auntie's house.  But we kept her occupied with some 'toys' she could play with.  I  loved the noise.

I felt pretty good the majority of the week and I am thankful for that, very thankful.

The sun has been shining a lot more, finally.  Sunshine lifts my spirits.  So the end of my treatments in about a month will coincide with full-on spring weather I hope.  I have felt quite introspective this past week; it is as though a lot is being revealed to me, like things to learn and their meanings.  I am enjoying this growth spurt I am calling it, makes me smile.

And thank you all for your continued prayers (I feel them) and well-wishes and cards.  This portion of this journey is almost over.

So Right Now Today 03/30/2013

Well it is the end of the week after chemo treatment #4 with the new drug.  Normally on Saturday morning of chemo week I awake with nausea, but not today.  I had pointed this out to my doctor and again he felt I should not be experiencing nausea, so he did have them give me anti-nausea as the last step during the chemo treatment on Monday.  So perhaps that is working still!!  Amazing.  Can't help but wonder what all this 'stuff' is doing to my insides.  I believe it is all working to my good, to my complete healing and restoration.

I had a stressful work week, so I hope I did not impact my healing process.  I know I should not think this way, but there, I said it.  I sometimes feel work stress can indeed impact this healing process.  But I immediately tell myself no, that I'm okay.  I was just so glad for Friday to arrive.  So anticlimactic in a lot of respects. But I will be just fine.  I feel good about my accomplishments, and sometimes that is all that matters.

My doctor and his nurse are both very pleased and happy with my progress.  And they were gushing about it.  They are very pleased with 'all my levels' is how they say it.  I know I do feel good, well considering and relatively speaking.  Only three more treatments to go.  It is really starting to feel like I'm almost done with this portion at least.  In the beginning it seemed so very far away.  Again though I will not even think past the next session.

My doctor speaks about my weight in kilograms! (Makes me sound skinny) Did I share this already?  Well anyway, my point is that he also feels I should not be losing weight - and believe me I am not.  And he is happy about that.  Again the drugs promote my appetite, even though I can barely taste what I am eating!  That is quite frustrating for me, to be hungry and wanting to eat, yet nothing has a truly discernible taste.  And yes, I go ahead and eat.  I wonder how long it will take for my taste buds to return to normal after the treatments are complete?

I am also not feeling weak as I usually would feel after the other chemo treatments.  So perhaps not a side-effect of this new drug.

I remain hopeful and happy and full of positive expectations!!

So Right Now Today 03/24/2013

The last half of this week I have felt simply awesome.  Now don't get me wrong, the brain was moving a little slow and the body was moving way slow.  But I overall felt good.  And this is how it usually goes right before the next chemo treatment, which is tomorrow by the way.

I went on two small 'field trips' by myself.  I went to CVS on Friday to pick up a prescription and I went to GNC at the mall to replace one of the vitamins on Saturday.  Just quick in and out trips, early in the day, but my car enjoyed it I'm sure and I did too, just to do a little more walking than usual and to breathe the air, etc.

Would you believe my drivers license expired?  I received in the mail this lovely postcard from the Ohio BMV to let me know.  How embarrassing, but yes, it happened.  Guess I am more distracted than I thought.  Anyway, we're good now.  Dave took me last Monday, the day I got the card to the Strongsville BMV which is open till 6:30 pm on Mondays!!  I was waited on right away!!  Never had this happen before.

Tomorrow's chemo treatment introduces a new drug.  I don't know much else to share about it.  I will post again later in the week to let you know how I reacted.  But just four treatments left; and next time I write only three treatments will remain!!  That thought alone makes me feel so excited.

So Right Now Today 03/20/2013

So just how am I feeling?  A line came to me during the twilight hours - I feel like I need to be ironed!!  I feel wrinkled and would like to be pressed and that would make me feel wonderful.

Being half-way through chemo is a great feeling.  I still have 8 weeks to go though.  I remain upbeat, well as much as can be expected.  This is still a surreal experience for me, even after three months of knowing and being cut and being poked and being drugged.

The nausea medication I take the non-chemo week is nowhere near as good as the chemo-week nausea medication.  So I have almost a constant nausea state of being.  Not fun.  About the best thing that happens the non-chemo week is that my sense of taste almost returns!  In the next couple days I will probably have a cup of coffee or tea and enjoy it!

I am getting the guest bathroom cleaned and ready for potential guests, in case I have any that actually spend the night that is.  A project.  Or just if someone wants to use it, it is ready for use!!

Forced Leisure

Each morning I begin by reading the Daily Bread (a small inspirational booklet published by RBC Ministries) passage for the day along with the associated Bible scripture.

One day I found myself reading 'my story'.  It began with a man speaking about a female friend who learned a week before Christmas that she had breast cancer and that the next seven months of her life were to be her 'forced leisure'.

I SCREAMED, literally.  Hey! This is MY story!!

It is hard to get my mind around the entire 7 months, like from January 01 through July 31 is how I was looking at it.  That is a long time, a very big chunk out of my life I was thinking.  That is a LOT OF DAYS!  That is why I so often say just one day at a time in my posts.

I must admit I took this as a message intended for me to take seriously.  And this message made me realize is I can no longer live life nonchalantly or cautiously.  I'm not saying I need to be gang-busters with living, mainly because right now my mind and body will not let me.  But I am saying I need to live more in the moment and to be more appreciative of what time I do have and to make the most of that time, even if it means just sitting and doing nothing.  And there are so many little things (like writing this blog) that do not require gang-buster energy to accomplish.  I am so looking forward to playing in the dirt (planting flowers).  Also I want to have at least one project for the month I am calling it; where it starts and completes in a 30-day time frame.  I am considering sewing, just trying to think of something to sew, nothing complicated of course.  And I share this thought with everyone - give yourself a monthly goal, at least one!

I find myself sending notes and letters to folks I have not contacted in awhile.  It does not matter if they respond, my conscience is clear.  Most important for me though is making sure I am a good wife and friend for my husband.  One thing about this condition, as with any illness, is that since it is so personal it is easy to say 'it's all about me'.  But this is all about 'me and Dave, us' as well.  It is very important to keep the communication lines open, and we do.  Dave was brought to me and he is very important to me.

I miss interacting with people.  But I cannot be in group settings due to the chemo's toll on my white blood cells.  I am very fortunate to be able to work from home.  But I do miss the office noise.  See, things we take for granted.  Just the drive to the office, the drive from the office.  See, things we take for granted.  My poor car is lucky to move once a week.  And when I am out among people, which was about once a week to CVS Pharmacy, I am quite friendly because we just don't know do we.  But most of all this condition is making me be me, which for some of us that is not how we naturally move about in the world.  I am at a place where I have nothing to lose is the way I look at it.  And you know what, I feel folks will like this new me better.  I know I do!

I am a big proponent of numbers, specifically their significance according to the Bible.  The number 7 represents completeness.  And I declare every day that at the end of these seven months, at the end of this 'forced leisure', I will be totally re-stored and completely healed.

I am not sure where I am going, but I will know when I get there.

And the Treatments Begin

Needless to say the initial treatment, well the anticipation of that initial treatment, was just absolutely scary.  Here I was going to have gosh-knows what kinds of chemicals put into my body in order to fight and kill cells, both good cells and bad cells.  And I was going to have to endure this for the next 16 weeks (8 sessions every two weeks)!  I was going to have to be torn down to the core was how I was looking at it in order to be re-built and re-stored to better than before.  Not really my idea of 'getting all better', but nonetheless here we go.

My treatments are on Mondays, so the remainder of that first week was more about getting accustomed to how I was feeling.  And of course not enjoying how I was feeling.  I kept notes to share with the medical staff.  I simply did not and still do not enjoy the experience.  And there's medications to be taken the remainder of the chemo week for nausea management, so I have a calendar where I track the dosages and times. And yes I have invested in three of those lovely plastic pill boxes with the days of the week different colors and sizes of course.  The day of chemo, one medication is to be taken that evening, nothing else that day.  But starting with the day after, here comes the medications and the vitamins.  By the time I take them all I am so bloated from drinking all that water!!  But it's all for the good.  And water is good for us of course.

Chemo kills my sense of taste and alters my sense of smell.  I smell to a high degree the chlorine in our water.  And although the thought of a piece of chocolate candy appeals to my brain, the taste of it is not describable really, and most foods have no taste.  So chemo removes the enjoyment of eating, but we must eat still.  Canned soup tastes the best and fried potatoes with fried onions.  NO SALT as my mouth has become its own salt box.

When it came time for treatment #2, I shared my notes and my dosages were tweaked and the second chemo week's reactions were not as bad.  The worse part for me from the first two treatments was the nausea.  After chemo#2 I lost my hair.

For chemo#3 I reported the nausea.  Well my doctor feels I should never experience nausea, while I thought it was a given side-effect, so again he tweaked my dosages and indeed I did not experience the nausea to the same level as the first two weeks, so it was managed during the treatment itself as well as    by my medications.  And Sharon is now a happy chemo treatment patient!!  Well that is all relative of course.

And I am ecstatic to announce I have completed 50% of my chemo treatments!!  Yeah!  Yep, this past Monday was chemo#4.  Major milestone mentally, half-way through.  The last four sessions will not consist of the same chemo meds, but will be replaced.  So my next session I will learn more from the doctor just what this medication is all about and anticipated side-effects.

Still not sure where this journey is taking me, but I will know when I get there.   One day at a time is all I can do; and that is all I ask for.